justifying my process.
i do actually have a system for scoring these things, you know? it's not all vibes based. in fact my only real sin when it comes to reviews is that i refuse to use half stars and i think 3/5 is a perfectly good score for the musical equivalent of a good kebab on a friday night. also i'm condescending, but that's nothing new.
MUSICALITY
i'm going to be honest i don't even know how to explain this one because it feels so self-evident that i would want a song to be a song that is good. however i also love a lot of clumsy debut albums because you can tell that they're trying to realize an idea they lack the skill to bring to life and those also get this star from me despite failing. i would listen to a thousand fumbles before i listen to one shareholder-voted rhythm.
LYRICISM
arguably as important as the musical aspect (in any genre that has a singer at least) and one i am always a massive bitch about. i love poetry and i love references and i love turns of phrase and sometimes they even make good lyrics. i really need this wave of needing a chorus to be on par with a written siken to die.
IS IT ON BRAND
the most debated one in my house because frequently my beloved and i have very different ideas of an artist's branding, but a necessary evil. i have to be able to instantly tell that a song is by an artist for it to earn this star. interestingly this is the only star that can be retroactively granted if an artist manages to rebrand around their new works in a way that doesn't feel... bankrupt.
EAR WORM
different from musicality (because an absolute dud can still get stuck in your head) this one is ranking songs by how memorable they are. not all musicians want to be catchy in the tiktok sense, but every artist should want their fanbase to be able to recall their works without forcible outside reminders.
LIKEABILITY
this is not a democracy! a song cannot get five stars from me unless i personally enjoy listening to it on purpose! i don't care if it's good (although i would like to think that i have perfect taste and everything i like is beyond reproach) i care if i have fun and i'm happy to listen to it!! the hardest part of scoring things i find is that i want my final rating to be objective and provable, but i can't. i'm no better than a modern day swiftie. and that's okay.
REASONS FOR DISQUALIFICATION
there are albums and artists who have been foundational to me as a person (emotional) and as a person (with ears) who are going to live and die in the bottom of my recyling bin for the rest of time because i found out that they're a violent zionist (regina spektor, for example) or a straight up pedophile (where do i even begin as a mid-2000s emo kid...) or some other form of bigot. i can seperate the art from the artist all i want but unless that separates the artist from money or clout i'm unwilling to do so any more.
view past reviews.
expect to see eventually.
from my strawpage, an off-the-top-of-my-head list of artists i like: amy winehouse, angel haze, autoheart, bayli, ben howard, beyonce, bloc party, carly rae jepsen, damion suomi, dashboard confessional, death cab for cutie, debussy, doja cat, ellie golding, empires, fall out boy, fiona apple, fleetwood mac, frank turner, fun, green day, haim, hozier, james morrison, janelle monae, joss stone, kelly clarkson, king gizzard and the lizard wizard, lady gaga, left at london, little mix, los campensinos, marina and the diamonds, mayday parade, meg and dia, megan thee stallion, metric, motion city soundtrack, my chemical romance, noah gundersen, oasis, orla gartland, owl city, paramore, pendulum, phoebe bridgers, regina spektor, rina samayama, santigold, sarah bareilles, scouting for girls, set it off, slipknot, stars, sufjan stevens, taylor swift, tegan and sara, the antlers, the chicks, the decemberists, the killers, the national, the used, the weepies, thriving ivory, you me at six.
j-pop specific — idol disclaimer that a lot of what i listened to was pirated in 2011 and while i'd recognize the songs by melody if i heard them again the 8tracks wipe fucked me over beyond measure and don't remember the kanji at all. abk48, ado, a-rise, amiaya, babymetal obviously, deco⋆27, e-girls, eve, fairies, flower, hachi, majiko, n-buna, nanastars, 9nine, passpo, perfume, pinnochio-p, radwimps, weather girls, wowaka, yoh kamiyama.
kpop specific — 2ne1, aoa, apink, baby dont cry, billlie, cl, dreamcatcher, f(x), i-dle, illit, itzy, ive, i⋆zone, jenny but not blackpink, katseye, le sserafim, loona, mamamoo, newjeans (unfortunately), nmixx, some aespa, twice, xg, xlove, and no boygroups ever bye!! i can't remember anyone else + if i don't list a gg on here it's because i hate them and not because i forgot they existed or missed their doorway in the khia asylum while breaking soyeon out again. oh fuck right red velvet should be on this list for russian roulette.